Remember that time, that time you’ve anchored into your psyche, that time where you were simply a great big fail. Shit didn’t go right. You weren’t up to it. You proved (perhaps even “yet again”) that you don’t have what it takes and that you can’t make it happen. Can you picture one? One of those times?
Perhaps you started a diet and didn’t stick to it.
Perhaps you got up with all good gung-ho intentions of exercising regularly and you didn’t make it happen.
Perhaps you tried to launch and thing in your business and there wasn’t any interest.
Perhaps you didn’t close the sale.
Perhaps you feel that you let yourself down, you let your business down and you have this under belly feeling that you simply can’t trust yourself.
WOW, written down it feels bloody huge doesn’t it.
Now, it would be super easy for me to sit here and real off some quotes and little bits of power umph to get you out of the situation bit I think I wanna go a little deeper.
How Did You Diagnose It & What Did You Make It Mean?
Ok, so let’s start with the diagnosis.
I’ve had people come to me writing off the week as a great big fail at 9.43am on a Monday morning.
I’ve had people who have catastrophised their businesses availability to sell after one social media post.
I have had people who feel that they are shit at ditching weight because they put on 4lbs overnight.
I have people tell me that they can never keep up an exercise habit because they missed a session.
Writing stories is what our brain is wired to do. We take a situation, we judge the fuck out of it based on our own perceptions/experience and filters and come up, often, with the most harsh reviews possible.
The diagnosis comes first. The throwing the hands in the air and then a declaration of a defeat.
We have decided that, based on what’s in front of us right now that we’ve failed! Failure is purely a state of mind. It’s not possible to fail whilst still moving. << an interesting sentence – you only fail when you STOP, throw in the towel, learn nothing and give up for good.
We also need to look at having a little perspective and removing our experience based filters and looking at it through reality based filters.
However you feel right now;
- You can’t have fucked up and written off a whole week before 10am on a Monday – it’s simply not possible. The majority of the week is open in front of you full of potential and possibility.
- Your expectation to sell something immediately, with one post and within seconds of that post going live is perhaps a little flawed. Instead you need to look at the sales campaign period that you have stretching ahead of you.
- You CAN NOT PUT ON 4lbs of fat overnight. The law of thermodynamics proves that this simply isn’t possible. You may have eaten more yesterday and have lots of undigested food in your system. Perhaps you ate more carbohydrate based foods yesterday and for ever gram of glycogen (what carbs is made into by your bod) your stores needs 3gs of water stored with it. You may have eaten more salty food than usual (water will be held to deal with that bad boy too) or you may be fluctuating around your cycle (water again). The ballpark is that it’s around 3,500 cals per lb in weight so to be fair you’d need to overeat by 14,000 to hit that 4lbs. So in reality that 4lbs isn’t a 4lbs weight gain now is it?
- Life happens, we amend plans, we can be flexible. Making some things non-negogitable is my key but equally knowing that life needs a level of fluidity and flexibility is good too. Making sure you’re not making excuses and giving yourself the “get out of jail free” card is important but if you’re not well then you need to rest, if your priorities shift then you need to make a re-assessment. Taking control, rather than feeling like is happening to you will empower you to make changes.
So How Can We Re-Write The Evidence We Have?
Ok, so rather than just leaning back and relying on the proof that we have self diagnosed us to be shite within let’s look at things a little differently and let’s create a new norm.
Re-framing and considering other angles means that our brains aren’t able to just go to the default of “well I can’t do that” or “I’ve already tried that” or “I’m shit at that.”
➡️Let’s have a little butchers at the situation with a layer of perspective and reality attached to it. Where were you at that time? What was coming up for you then? What are the factual angles of the situation (before you made it mean something)? Where you all in or half assing it? Did you take just the polite and safe bits? Where you seeking to prove your already established evidence that you couldn’t do it (i.e. going through the motions because you didn’t believe you could anyway)?
➡️ What can we learn from the situation? So lots of those questions above are going to give you a level of insight into what came up and what actually happened. Let’s take those and look at the lessons. Ok, so it might be – I panic if my weight fluctuates or it might be that I have to re-consider my mindset when it comes to selling so that I’m looking at a sales period rather than a single date. It might be that you recognise that you didn’t believe that you could achieve the thing anyway and perhaps you need to look at the root of that belief and where it came from.
➡️”what would it take for me to……..” that is the next question. What CAN you don’t to move forwards towards your desired outcome? What steps can you take? Do you need any help & support to get over humps?
➡️Break the tasks down so that they aren’t overwhelming. I always recomend 15 minute activities (the #rockstar15 principle) so that the tasks are bitesize and easy to manage.
➡️Write a rescue list – if your mind is going to wander into shitsville then you need to have a pre-emptive strategy of escape. Right now you’re re-writing your evidence base and you need to be able to lean on evidence of ability rather than what you can’t do or dive into a dialogue about what you’re shit at. What things can shift you move and draw you back into action.
➡️ Back yourself! You need to give yourself your full backing. You know how you back your kids or your peers or your friends or others around you. Afford yourself that same backing.
So What Have You Really Got Here?
✅ Evidence that you’re capable of taking steps and moving forwards.
✅Evidence that, despite the outcome you’ve done that first movement.
✅That you can learn stacks from what has brought you here – I wouldn’t have got to today without having to have navigated yesterday.
✅Your capability isn’t always the story you’re mind is trying to tell you.
✅You can re-write your evidence, wipe the slate clean, pop what has gone before as experience rather than barriers and start again TODAY!
Please don’t keep yourself hostage to stories of the past.
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