Ah, this one is a BIGGIE.
I know that it’s one that lots of people experience as helpful family & friends chip in when you’re seeking to build your business. It can be met with your wrath on occasions so let’s dive into it…
Often people mean really well.
Often that’s totally lost on us.
Let’s talk about helpful input from friends and family. Oh, don’t you love it!
I know that this is such a common one that can absolutely knock you for six.
What Was Said?
They might suggest that things aren’t quite working out as you’d expected and you should perhaps consider going to find a “proper” job. They might make little comments about the fact that we should be millionaires by now with all the time and effort you’re putting into your business. There might be stresses and strains around money.
The first thing you need to know is that’s it’s important to be clear on what was ACTUALLY said. I know that there might be undertones attached to it BUT it’s important to know how the conversation actually went. Before you’ve catastrophised it and made it mean something that it didn’t.
What did you make it mean? This is when, due to our wobbles/doubts we can take something someone said to us and make it mean something horrendously different. It’s normal. If we are feeling wobbly/scared/doubtful/shit and people say stuff to us we then use that at evidence that what they are saying is confirming our deepest worries.
Take some time initially to make sure that you didn’t make it mean something completely different to what was actually said.
Do They Get It?
I get it, when you’re first starting out or you are looking to gain additional traction then it’s super difficult to when other people don’t “get” it or they can’t quite see your vision for how things are going to develop.
It’s important that you start to protect yourself the impact that this input has on you.
It’s often not meant in any malice and it’s not meant to be detrimental or negative. Often it’s more about what you made it mean. I find that often this external input is brought to you from the most incredibly loving place and it’s about people who love you seeking to protect you. Sometimes they may even feel that it’s allowing you to have a “get out” if you want one.
What To Do About It?
If, right now, that kinda imput is making your wobbly then it’s time to stop!
It can start to make you feel like you have to justify every action, that you are not doing things right,
Start off with the knowledge that, chances are, they mean well, they are looking out for your best interests,
It’s time to take it with a pinch of salt.
So, I often smile politely, thank them for their comments and input and then just move on, every now and then my husband will have a time where he is going to tell me a little bit about what I could be or should be doing, sometimes there is little bits of food for thought in there, but other times, not so much so. It’s about filtering what you want/need to hear and keeping the door to communication open.
Stop making it mean a shed load of other things with the inferences you’ve drawn yourself.
Discuss how it’s unhelpful or makes you feel wobbly.
Drop it in the “fuck it” bucket.
Crack on with your plans and strategy because, the funny thing is, once you start to see results then the input that makes you wobbly diminishes and it’s impact upon you ceases ~ you then have evidence that it’s not true and wobbles/self talk cannot exist alongside evidence to the contrary.