What ya even scared of?  I question I kinda posed to myself at the end of 2018 when I decided to embark on a year of change and a question that I’ve been asked this week when it comes to my fitness journey ~ so what were you scared of?  

If you’ve not read anything about my journey this year then I’m neck end of 6 stone lighter, a shit tonne fitter and stacks healthier.  It’s certainly the fittest I’ve been since my early 20s and it all started with a decision that enough was enough and shit needed to change (I’ll be doing a whole 6 stone drop blog in the very near future). 

Anyhaps, back to the point in hand. 

What was I scared of?? 

Was I scared of success ~ well I couldn’t even define success at this point.  I didn’t know what success looked like and whether it was even vaguely possible.  Most people tell you to shit down and really work out what success looks like for you so that you know whether you’ve achieved it or not BUT if that thing is so big and massive and feels like it has so many variables then that’s super difficult.  I couldn’t define where I was going to end up.  I needed to take the path and see where it leave.  Sometimes removing the enormity makes things a shit tonne easier for you to start to implement new habits and behaviours along the way. 

Was I scared of failure?  YUP, all my evidence that I’d accumulated for many years was that I would fail at this.  Since being self employed I’d steadily neglected myself more and more and gained A LOT of weight.  All the evidence in my bag was that this was going to be super difficult, that I’d pay it lip service, that I’d go through the motions. I kinda needed to mentally clear the slate.  What if I backed myself, what if I could, what if I just kept taking the steps and did the things. 

I suppose when your drive can out weigh your fear then your fear can become irrelevant.  

I absolutely could have overthought every single step.  I could have expected myself to revert to type/usual behaviours, I could have talked myself out of everything OR I could take the decision, each day, to simply back myself and see what I could achieved. 

Other things I was scared of…


Fuck! Gymtimidation is SUCH a big & real thing.  If the whole going to the gym thing leaves you feeling sweaty and makes your bum cheeks clench then you certainly are not alone.  I want you to know that this enviroment, that we’ve created to be hostile and judgemental actually isn’t like that at all.  Most people in the gym are too busy worried about themselves and their own workout to even notice you.  Other people are nosey (like me 🙈) and are simply interested in the other humans in their space, without judgement and certainly without any ill will.  It’s the same as going to the coffee shop or an airport.  People are people watching in those environments too and it wouldn’t stop you hanging out there now would it!?!

My suggestion?  Get some help to increase your confidence.  When you feel like you know what you’re doing in any enviroment it gets a shit tonne easier.  I have worked with a Personal Trainer who has taught me so much about what I can get from the gym, how my body works, what to be thinking about and so much more.  A personal trainer is an ace addition, even if it’s just at the beginning, to support you to get your confidence rolling.  Alternatively, lots of gyms (and personal trainers) offer group sessions or apps that can help you to know where you’re doing in there rather than feeling like you’re just randomly moving from machine to machine. 


this was one of my biggies at the very beginning.  I didn’t want a whole stack of people seeing my trying to lump my chunky frame around a run.  I felt like I’d look like the fat lass struggling around the streets.  Again, probably no fucker was judging me in the slightest.  Yup, I was slow, yup, I was wobbly BUT I was out there doing it and making change happen and I was further ahead than those sat on their sofas. 

My suggestion ~ this time of year is ace.  You can nip out and exercise outdoors in the dark.  There’s less people on the streets, you can’t see who’s driving the cars and you can crack on.  Just make sure you’re wearing stuff that means you’ll be seen by cars #besafebeseen BUT do it without worrying about everyone knowing it’s you.  Yup, even typing this one feels super shallow BUT it was relevant to me so it might just be relevant to you too. 


All my evidence from the past was that I would stop saying NO and spiral back into my old habits and undo all my hard work with the drop of a hat, so what was even the point?! 

My suggestions ~ firstly, once you appreciate that there’s no wagon to fall off then it makes life a shit tonne easier.  Make conscious choices and decisions in every moment and if you make a choice to eat something that’s perhaps not optimal then bloody enjoy it, move on and get back on track with optimal nutrition.  If you miss a session then it’s done (but remember ~ you never regret the ones you did) and you need to move beyond it & get organised for the next session.  

It’s not ALL OR NOTHING, there’s a middle ground where it can be mostly the alls but sometimes the non-optimals (it’s not about cheating or being naughty ~ that wording will keep you super stuck ~ it’s just not the super duper ideal perfect). 

AND ~ “I didn’t come this far to only come this far” is a little mantra I use.  I don’t ever wanna go back to the beginning.  Keeping going always means you don’t have to start again. 

I hope you’ve found this super useful and I’ll be updating the blog with answers to more of the questions I’ve had so watch this space. 

I’d love for you to dive into the comments and let me know what’s resonated with you here too….