I always invite questions from the gorgeous Rockstars who follow my social media or who get a copy of my newsletter pop into their inbox. I am always at the end of a DM or an email if there’s ever anything you’d like a little help & support with.
The question that popped through today was “What do you do when you doubt yourself and your abilities?” AND with permission I’m sharing my advice on this one because both and the lovely question submitter know that it’s a super common one.
DOUBT is a wee bugger. It niggles away at you, a weed if you will. Little by little, bit by bit the weed takes hold and spreads. It’s stubborn too. If you don’t get it right by the root it’ll just grow back and appear over and over again.
Let’s work through it…..
I Am Going To Start With A Provocative One!
Do you even believe it??
I mean, really. Do you really believe what that niggle is saying to you? If you asked yourself, right now, even by saying it out loud – do I actually believe that I’m not capable and able? Do I actually believe that I’m shite at what I do? What would the answer be?
I’m starting there because I know, soooooo often, when I’m speaking to gorgeous Rockstars who are having a wee crisis of confidence that when we talk it through they don’t even believe the BS that there sub conscious mind is feeding them anyway.
Self talk, if left unchecked, will have you believe anything.
Tell the same story to yourself over and over again then it has a vibration that it’s the truth. If you told a story about once meeting a kangaroo that was a mountain runner and gave the goats a run for their money and you said it on repeat you could even convince yourself it’s true if you left it unchecked.
So the first one is – do you actually believe it?
2nd Question – What Does It Even Mean?
Our subconscious aka our self talk can spin the little yarn at we doubt ourself and our abilities.
I’ll hear things like;
➡️ I can’t do it
➡️ I’m crippled with self doubt
➡️ I don’t believe in myself
➡️ I’m not good enough
➡️ What if I get found out
BUT what does those statements actually mean? What can’t you do? What is self doubt stopping you doing and why? What in particular means you can’t believe in yourself? Why don’t you feel good enough? Why do you feel like a fraud? With digging a little bit deeper into the thoughts that are coming up you can often find a truly enlightening thought pattern which is occuring and stirring in your sub conscious. One that’s easier to address than the vague statement.
Can Ya Prove It?
So once we’ve identified what the self talk actually is and the root of it then the next steps is to ask yourself – is there any evidence to support this?
EXTERNAL EVIDENCE, real evidence, not more made up chitter chatter.
What’s the feedback you get from your clients like? What are your reviews like? What’s in your armoury of creditbility for what you do?
Here’s the thing. Humans are weird (this might be more so true of British humans but as a Brit I’m allowed to dive into this one). We are quick to give feedback without prompting if something we experience wasn’t what we were expecting. We are rubbish at giving feedback if stuff is good although will if it’s fucking awesome. Yeah, we are weird. I got a wee bit off point there but actually my point is, if all the external evidence is that your stuff is awesome, believe it. Which brings me on to the next point on this one ~ we are super quick to grab hold of something that someone said that’s negative, we are great at making something mean something negative even when it didn’t but we are an absolute bag of poo at allowing praise to sit with us. We usually dismiss it within a microsecond and move on.
What’s the evidence you have, right now, that you are capable and able and that you shouldn’t spend a single minute in self doubt?
Play A Game
Let me introduce you to a wee game I encourage my gorgeous Rockstars to play.
Truth or big fat lie….
So, what you do is you write down all the nasty self talk that’s chuntering around in your head. When you write it down it discharges it of it’s power over you. It stops it gaining momentum and rolling round your brain trying to gather up supporters.
Then, you objectively ask – is that actually the truth or is it a big fat lie??
The self talk fairy cannot live next to evidence that she’s telling lies? She has no power as soon as you take the power back from her.
I’m a big advocate of giving an alter ego to unhelpful thoughts. It allows you a level of distance from them and stops them becoming part of your identity. I have an inner old lady called Maud who wants cake and a brew and doesn’t want me to push my body and exert myself too much when I’m training. I can identify when Maud is trying to step in. I can acknowledge that she’s trying to keep me safe BUT I can also get her to pipedown with an imaginary cream bun & an Earl Gray!
If you have a self talk fairy that visits you often then give her a name. Allocate her a cupboard and know that she’s often popping in when you’re about to do something new, stretch yourself a wee bit, step outside of your comfort zone or the likes. She can be old or young. She can need quelling with a big of sweets & a can of pop or a cream bun & a brew, your call. It means you can identify her, acknowledge her, reassure her you’re fine and shut her up, leaving you able to crack the merry fuck on!
I Know This Isn’t Always Easy
I get that it’s not always easy to untangle the wiring that may have been building up for some time and that’s when you might just need a wee bit of outside help.
You are more than welcome to book an unpretzel me session where I will unwind you from the knot you’ve got into, give you a shed load of support and strategy, ideas and a whole new omph for what you do…
If it’s your first time here I wanna start off with a VERY warm welcome! I’m Emma Holmes and I’m head Rockstar at Rebels & Rockstars. My mission is to help and support you to create epic transformations that are sustainable, adventurous, never overwhelming and stacks of fun!
I’d love it if you had a shimmy around the site, you can find out a stack more about me on the “about me” page and do make sure you follow along on Social Media for all the updates, hints, tips, advice and support.