Whoa!!! This feels like a biggie. Am I really setting myself up to fail? I don’t know if I resonate with setting myself up to fail. FAIL is a bit of a trigger word isn’t it. A trigger word is something that brings up a whole load of emotion and baggage with it. It is a word with feelings attached to it.
I suppose we need to start with “what does it mean to fail.” My personal belief? You can only ever fail by choice. You can only ever fail when you decide that you’re done and that you’re not prepared to put any further time, effort, energy and attention into that. Therefore failure is a choice to conserve energy or to channel that energy elsewhere. Now that’s a whole load more empowering than how we normally look at failure isn’t. AND it’s ok if you decide to reclaim your time, effort, energy and attention from a project or a thing.
I always use the analogy of logs on a fire. We have an allocation of logs in our life. Those logs represent our time, effort, energy and attention. We choose into which fires we place these logs. The fires which we fuel with logs are the fires that will burn bright. The fires that we choose to not add additional logs to will ultimately die down into burning embers and ultimately go out.
We are responsible as to our allocation of logs.
You may decide that you don’t have the logs available for a certain fire at a certain time then make that choice consciously. We present in that decision making and you can then allocate your logs based on what is truly important to you.
Now let’s look at how you might be setting yourself up to fail right now…
Whether You Think You Can…
The Henry Ford quote goes “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Well it’s reassuring that we always get it right now isn’t it 😂 No-one wants to mess up. BUT what does it really mean?
Subconsciously we seek out evidence to what we believe is true. We seek reassurance that our thoughts are right. You might be shaking your head right now BUT this is something that happens without you’re active engagement in it. It’s kinda the mind’s equivalent to living in an echo chamber. You’re subconscious is seeking the assurance that it was right, even if that assurance is the opposite of what you thought you were seeking to achieve.
So it kinda boils down to belief and it’s super easy to say but how do we actually change that belief system. If we need to believe that something is possible then we need to have some level of evidence that it’s something that’s possible. I talk about creating evidence bases that things are possible. Those evidence bases might be seeded in what you have done before, what you believe is possible for you or what other people have achieved.
If you don’t believe in you right now then there’s options…
Do you believe in you?
Or are you shaking your head and saying “nah, not really.” I bet DEEP down you do. You haven’t quit (you might have thought about it but you haven’t).
I’ve worked with lots of Rockstars who haven’t always believed that they could make it but I believe in them and they can borrow that belief if they need to.
I also LOVE this quote from Good Will Hunting “some people can’t believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first”
So, I’m just checking in to say “I believe in you.”
It might be that you start to create your own evidence. We will be looking at how you take small steps next…
Nought To A Gazillion
Wanna do all the things??
Wanna go from where you are right now to super duper a gazillion miles away from where you are in one step?
Here’s the thing. Sometimes the point you’re travelling too seems too far away. It seems like an unsurmountable summit beyond your reach.
People don’t get out of bed one morning and decide that that they day they are going to climb Everest. It’s not a thing. It takes planning and prep before hand. It takes training to not only prepare yourself for it but also to give yourself evidence of capability & capacity to achieve the outcome AND THEN the ascent is broken down into various camps which are adventures and targets in their own right.
You achieve shit step by step is what I’m trying to say here.
I speak to people all the time who want to run. They might want to run for fun, they might want to run a 5k, they might want to run a marathon but right now they have no evidence that they can do that. They might have even tried Couch25K but it felt too hard. I work with them to strip it right back and to start to gain evidence through walking, jeffing (walking & running) and ultimately (if they want to) moving up to running.
I have clients who want to hit 10,000 steps per day but are currently hitting 500. All you’re doing by going straight from 500 per day to 10,000 is setting yourself up for all the reasons why you can’t. We’d start with perhaps looking to double it to 1,000 and incrementally increasing those steps.
Someone might come to me wanting to build a huge business but hasn’t sold a single thing yet. It’s about getting good solidity of foundations in place and building from that point, getting sales rolling and providing evidence.
Here’s the thing – step by step is important but what’s equally important is….
Making Things Sustainable..
Don’t create a situation that’s unsustainable.
That will lead to burnout.
It’ll lead you to thinking that you’re not capable.
When you’re taking things step by step you’re giving yourself the opportunity to adapt. Adaption is where you get stronger and more resilient. Adaption is where you can get systems and support in place that will ensure that progression is continuos and sustainable.
So for example ~ some people fear success. You don’t go from start up to success in a heart beat, despite all the overnight success stories (the reality is that there was always a journey along the way). As you progress you adapt. As you progress you might bring in more help and support so you’re not doing it solo. As you progress you’ll be quicker at doing things, hone what you do and ditch the shit that’s not impactful.
In terms of health and wellness your body will adapt. The example of going from 500 to 10,000 steps per day would leave your body feeling a bit in shock, tired and you might have a roll on impact that results in you needing to rest BUT if you dares yourself to go a little further each day/week then your body will adapt and before you know it you’ll be on the 10,000 steps per day without fatigue.
Which brings me nicely to another one….
Don’t Be A Toddler
“I do it all and I do it all by myself” 😱🙈
Stamps feet, throws a tantrum etc.
This one is two fold!
Doing it all. When people try to do all the things all at once it gets overwhelming. I always say to people that they should consider having a list of non-negogitables. 2-3 things that they can focus on as being their foundations. In terms of their health and wellness it might be ✅ drinking 2 ltrs of water a day ✅ moving/their steps target ✅ prioritising their bedtimes/sleep. In business it might be ✅ posting on FB once a day ✅ reaching out to one person to support them/grab a testimonial/say hi ✅ writing a weekly newsletter. Your non-negogitables are – if I get fuck all else done then my foundations are in place.
Rather than trying to juggle and change all the things, full pelt, right at the beginning make a list of those things that create your foundations but have a big impact.
Then we move to the “all by myself” bit. You don’t have to navigate this all alone and unless you’ve got a shit hot mindset it’s actually quite difficult to navigate changes without support and bolstering. Who’s your cheer squad? Who’s there for you to lean on if you need to? Who can you borrow belief from? I am so passionate about creating super supportive communities that enable and facilitate positive, growth and progression. They have such a huge impact. Shimmy to the “contact me” tab at the top of the page if you want to get some super duper support around you and we can chat about what that might look like for you.
If you take nothing more away from this article here’s the run down of the important bits…
✅ What you believe you can achieve
✅ Borrow that belief if necessary
✅ It’s never one grandiose act, it’s always step by step
✅ Work out your non-negogitables
✅ Get a cheer squad around you
I’d love to know your thoughts on this one. Dive into the comments and let me know whether any resonated as things you do or if you’d add any additionals…
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An article that’s diving a little deeper into the whole fear & belief thing. If you feel that what you believe is holding you back right now and leaving you scared then have a read here..