I always like a little dose of reflection as we draw to the end of a year. A little bit of a review of what’s gone on and where things stand right now. A little look back at the good and the challenging stuff.
I know that throughout any 12 month period a shit tonne (technical term for A LOT) of things happen. Some are fabulous ~ I’ve celebrated some amazing wins this year (both myself and hand in hand with my gorgeous Rockstars) and I’ve also learned a whole host of lessons.
I wanna share with you some of the lessons that have come my way over the last 12 months (and for some there’s been a whole heap of challenges in this rotation around the sun).
2017 has, for a lot of people, been quite a mixed bag. I know that I have supported some of my gorgeous Rockstars through some super BIG stuff this year and so often what this brings is a whole dose of reality checks and perspective. Perspective isn’t a new one to me at all. I know that when you are up to your armpits in your own stuff it can often feel quite catastrophic but perspective is a light I always shine on any given situation. Perspective about what could be, what is right now for other people and how much gratitude there is in almost every situation when you look for it.
An example of a dollop of perspective is that earlier in the year I was with a gorgeous Rockstar and friend. It was really late in the night and we were at the hospital as her husband had suffered a stroke. As a result of the stroke he had/has lost his vision. Imagine that for a moment, and the repercussions in your life – and if you can’t, try to make your breakfast and eat it with a blind fold on (never mind the fact that you can’t ever drive again, watch television or read your own mail).
We were taking him outside for a breath of fresh air.
It felt hard, it felt like the world had just changed for forever and it felt like there might just be a good few challenges ahead.
As we stood outside there was a lady out there in her 20s. She was there because her baby had just had it’s 8th operation. BOOM ~ a quick bolt of perspective struck. We also spent a moment in gratitude about our healthy children, about how the situation we were stood in right at the moment could have been a whole stack worse.
The stroke that took his sight could have taken his life. It thankfully happened at night, and not on the daily commute could have been catastrophic to him and others. As he grappled to find the phone to call an ambulance, he could have fallen down the stairs.
He could have been unable to get help and may have been found days later by his wife and child as they returned home from a short break.
Again a shot of perspective allowed to us to look through reality tinted glasses and avoid catastrophising the situation. Yup, it was gonna be HARD. Lots of uncomfortable change was pending and would at times be very difficult to navigate – that’s not negative, it would be naive to think any other. BUT it could have been a shit tonne worse and in hospital that night there were people in harder situations than us.
I’m by no means minimizing the circumstances that my friend and her family were suddenly hurled into, hell she’d tell you the same thing if you asked her. PERSPECTIVE allows you to see the lighter elements rather than being consumed by the darker stuff. It’s your oxygen when a challenge hits you, and anything you can do to gain it is going to be worth its weight in gold, but it’s also monumentally helpful in the day to day grind. Stepping back, breathing and gaining clarity or a different way of looking at things can radically change what you make something mean. My friend and their husband have been told many times over that they are unlucky for this to have happened, and there is of course some truth in that.
They choose however to look at the bigger picture, find the silver lining and spend time in gratitude for what they have left rather than dwelling on whats “lost.”
They consider themselves to be very lucky – for whats left, for the happy that they have yet to experience in life, and for the damage limitation.
And that’s nothing more than the power of perspective.
The Year I Decided To Keep My Knickers Up!
Ok, so on a completely different spectrum of business 2017 was the year that I decided that I would keep my knickers up when it came to pricing. I was getting increasingly weary of all this knickers up, knickers down when it came to pricing in the online space. A plectra of discounts and monies offer, special offers and deals. Some of which felt like they were laced to whip up a whole FOMO (fear of missing out) and make people spend because they felt they’d be a fail if they didn’t.
The only shifts I make now on pricing is I do provide an introductory offer when something is brand spanking new but after that the the price is the price.
I hate the whole ~ I’m getting the same package holiday as these people but I paid more/less for it than they did or I’m sat next to someone on the train and we paid very different prices for our tickets.
I have decided to show a level of conviction in my pricing (and I know that I certainly don’t overcharge just because I can or add ticket prices to things that they will never be sold at). I am not a sofa sale.
Not one I’m great with. Sometimes you have to step back and allow things to play out. Sometimes you have to take your time. Sometimes you have to simply detach from the outcomes.
They say that patience is a virtue and on occasions it most definitely in.
Be mindful not to be drawn into drama that doesn’t serve you. Make sure you are conserving your own energy and make sure that your patience is for the right reasons and not a form of procrastination.
In 2017 I published 2 (perhaps we may sneak a third in by close of play but if not it’ll be early January) books. Book publishing is something that will test you to the core. It will be a position that will bring up a whole manner of feelings. Something you have worked on in the written word can suddenly feel REALLY precious. It kinda took me by surprise. I’d written a book before. I publish articles on Social Media multiple times per day. I write blogs every single week. My written word is hardly kept close to my chest BUT when you hit go on a book and suddenly people can buy it and read it and potentially judge it (good or bad) it feels a whole heap more scary.
How to go about writing your book? Whatever works for you. I have manuscripts I have laboured over and I have a book that was written within 49 hours (and I went to bed twice in that time frame). I think that sometimes we have this idea to write a book and it feels like such a big deal, it’s enormity is suffocating. If it feels that way then it’s important that you break it down and stop looking at it in it’s totally. Equally, if the muse bites you on the ass then go with it.
Get your business ready to receive a book. Talk about writing it. Start to sow some seeds.
Hit publish (yup my bum might twitch a bit but that’s ok).
Ebb & Flow
People come people go
In business there’s always ebb & flow
So, there are times where people feel a little angsty about the ebb and flow of business. It’s natural and it’s normal to feel that way and for it to happen. You will find that your business growth will always attract new people to your crowd, it will marry up the people who are meant to be connected and it will allow the people that aren’t the perfect fit for you to make their way on to other things. It’s ok. That ebb and flow totally works.
Please don’t panic when people move away from your business. When you are in a phase of re-alignment it’s perfectly normal for you to find a new place within your business and you will attract different people into your audience.
What is REALLY important is something that I wrote about the other day and it’s that you mustn’t become someone’s crutch;
It’s important that you don’t become someone’s long term crutch!
Absolutely, propping someone up when life has thrown them a curve ball is a really fab thing to do BUT if you continue to be their crutch over the longer term then you start to take away their power.
It’s a matter of accessing situations, maintaining boundaries and being consistent.
I totally want to be there for each and every one of my Rockstars and I know that I am super available to help and support. I’m always here. BUT it’s important that I am also empowering them to move forwards.
It’s easy to say, right?!?
It’s so easy to get into the position where you’re absolutely invested in supporting people and passionate about not leaving them high and dry BUT it’s also important that your generosity and the fact that you truly care isn’t taken advantage of or doesn’t take away the other persons power or doesn’t leave you depleted.
How does this look in reality?
Well it differs from person to person and situation to situation. You need to make sure that you’re seeking to empower that person and allowing them to take responsibility and to take action to assist their progress.
You can’t facilitate them being stuck.
You can’t take on the burden for them.
You MUST make sure that the relationship, professional or otherwise doesn’t become a toxic or dependant relationship.
Think about your boundaries. I know it’s something said a lot but actually working out what your boundaries truly are, write it in a notebook, jot down what comes up, muse over it.
Some suggestions for you;
- Don’t react immediately to all notifications – whether that be FB notifications, emails or messages.
- Give yourself a certain time(s) of day when you will deal with this stuff. create an email address where people can get hold of you if they need your attention sooner rather than later – this will mean that the emails won’t just fall into your inbox that gathers all the other stuff that you need to wade through to find things and you will be able to prioritise them as action items.
- Get some cave time scheduled into your diary for the week ahead. I add this into my diary in sunshine yellow and see it as an occasion to get on and be creative or have a little down time.
- Step away from your desk 10 mins earlier than you normally would. Don’t work every night of the week
- Don’t tell yourself that the time you are picking the kids up, feeding them, getting them to activities, getting them to bed is “me time” because it so isn’t!!
- Do at least one indulgent thing for you this week.
Boundaries aren’t mean – they are essential.
These boundaries aren’t always with others and so often we need to look at self boundaries first. You are the heart of your business and if you are too busy being erratically reactive then you are NOT going to get anything else done.
The Shit Stick Doesn’t Always Hit Those Who “Deserve” It
I want you to know that you didn’t necessarily attract it – it’s not always the law of attraction, the law of reflection or karma at work.
Life often deals a shit stick – just because, no spiritual reason, no fact you drew in the experience.
I’m sure that they’ll be lessons to learn and a strength to recognise it BUT whilst you knee deep in it it simply feels like SHIT.
If you need to hear it today then I hear you, life does it sometimes, it throws something at you and it leaves you feeling depleted in oh so many ways.
As Maya Angelou says “AND still I rise” and I know that it might not feel like any reassurance in the moment but you’re a warrior.
2017 was also the year that birthed the Rebels & Rockstars brand.
If you don’t know the story behind that then you can find it here;
I feel that this is the point that I ACTUALLY stepped 100% into the truth within my business. This has set me free. It’s set me free to be me and it’s set me free to share what I feel I want to share rather than what I think I should share.
This was also rounded off with this lovely new website because it became increasingly important for the website to be a place you could come and you could find STACKS of helpful, useful, inspirational, motivational and strategic content. It needed to feel like home. I hope we’ve achieved that.
Some Relationships Become Toxic
Easy Tiger On The Support
Ok, this is a fine balance here and I’m absolutely all for supporting other people and lifting them higher. I spend lots of time each week helping people who are “stuck” or who need a little extra so this isn’t “be a big old bitch and never help” kinda post.
What I do see a lot is people who feel that they are serving one another – they have come together as accountability or brainstorming buddies or groups and what happens is that it keeps them all stuck. I know, I know – definitely not the intention of any involved but it kinda happens. Energetically they are all in a place of leaning on one another and that relationships drains you. Robust help and support can often be necessary and you need to be in a good place to do that.
You also see the daytime telly effect where people offer that help and support in order to achieve the reassurance that their shit is in better order but with the empathy popped into that situation and the recollection of them being there themselves they are moved back into that vibration.
- yes have supporters and a gang of cheerleaders
- yes being an entrepreneur can be lonely and being part of a community is good.
- only take on and support people through stuff and dig deep with them when you are energetically in a good place
- bitching and side swiping ain’t good for your vibration
- being needy and dependent is energetically draining for those receiving it and takes away your power.
- check people are in a good place before you off load
- don’t be an ask-hole (always asking for advice and never doing anything with it).
So how do you get the help and support that serves you and those around you
- be conscious and considered when you ask for help – always say “are you in a good place as I need a little off load here”
- make sure you have a variety of places you can tap into
- make sure it’s in your interest and the other persons interests to exchange in this way
- don’t be afraid to say no
- don’t get stuck in relationships or agreements that simply don’t serve you
- use discernment
- be part of a coaching or mentoring group/mastermind
- don’t let it drain your time and stop you from moving forwards.
- make sure it’s not all negative and it is action and results focused.
It feels really harsh writing this down but it’s massively important to preserve your energy and not knock your vibration
The people who have made 2017;
Here’s my New Years Honours List (ah yeah, I do seem to think I’m the Queen)
My gorgeous family ~ because they are the most amazingly supportive peeps ever (even if it is my 10 year old saying my YT viewing figures are lame).
Vicki Nicolson ~ an absolute design genius who has helped mould and evolve the Rockstar brand into what it is today. I do believe that she often sits inside my head and sees exactly what’s being channelled through to me. Perhaps we have the same Universal portal.
Naomi Gilmour ~ the vision for the new heart of R&R was brought to life by her. She totally rocks and has made this website what it is.
Beckie Coupe ~ who totally gets that my critical nature of myself isn’t a negative and it’s about the evolution, who inspires me and steers me and encourages me to continue to evolve and to do the stuff I wanna do and to do it my way.
Sarah Cornforth ~ for being there by my side, whenever I’ve needed organising and sorting out.
Some special shout outs to Kate Spencer, Trudie Core, Michelle Emerson, Anna Grace Taylor, Victoria Lofthouse, Claire Bourke.
Every person who reads this blog, who is part of the Rockstar Communities, who follows the Facebook Page, Insta feed, Twitter feed or to whom I’m connected on LinkedIn ~ every single one of you mean the world to me and from my soul to yours I’m super grateful that you are part of my world.