Oooooooohhhhh the Pity Party.
A party that you didn’t particularly crave an invite to but where you ended up being a host of your very own party in quick sand.
What is a Pity Party?
It’s a wobble that goes on for a little too long and leaves you feeling low, heavy, overwhelmed and questioning whether or not you can ACTUALLY do the stuff you’ve set out to do.
Any time you feel super shitty and you’re not able to shack it quickly then chances are you’re there. Invite in hand, ready to be involved in a really shit soirée.
Wanna Invite Others?
It can be really easy to fall into wanting to invite other people around to join you in your pity party. It would be so simple to suck people in by asking them if they feel this way too.
I find that collective wobbling is such a common thing.
You want company in your party and someone to stand in the quick sand with you.
You actually don’t even rationally think about this, there’s no real consideration made to drawing people into the party BUT on a sub conscious level your desperate for company.
⛔️ STOP ⛔️ for just a moment and make sure you don’t bring a whole stack of people into the stuckiness.
The one thing you can do in order to ensure that you are off loading and seeking help in a productive way is to make sure you are tapping into people who are in a good place when you are not. I know that if I even need a bit of an off load then I have business buddies who aren’t invested in me being stuck, don’t have the thought path of whoa ist me & know it’s not helpful to bring to give me an out from my business or the thang that’s keeping me stuck. It’s sometimes about asking the question “are you in a good place for me to have a bit of an offload” as that’s more respectful and means that the issue isn’t catastrophesed further.
If you don’t have anyone around you who “gets it” then being part of a peer group/mastermind or working with someone who’s experienced and invested in your progress is a super good idea here.
Drawing others into the pity party will ensure that it goes on longer, that it probably grows arms and legs and that you end up feeling even worse than you did.
Steps To Get Out Of The Other Side
Lets break it down and look at what you can do to get out of the other side of this as it’s not serving you and you ain’t gonna make any progress whilst you are sat in the centre of your party for one.
(1) Recognition & Feel The Feeling
I don’t want you to ever ignore your self talk and how you feel in business. Trying to put it into a box and firmly seal the lid on the box will be like having a box of frogs. It’s going to keep jumping about, seeking your attention and probably spill at the most ridiculous of moment.
Always feel the feeling and always allow yourself to recognise exactly where you are.
In recognition there is an ability to move forwards.
Don’t make it feel worse. Don’t get into the “I’m such a fail for feeling like this again.” That’s just making it worse. A quiet acceptance of where you are is perfect to move forwards from.
When you start to be able to pull yourself up on your mindset and recognise when it’s coming in for the bite you will be able to start to recognise it earlier and earlier and then less pity parties will have to be endured.
Spend a moment of playing a game of “truth or big fat lie” with what’s coming up for you right now. It’s a game I advocate massively and forms part of my I’m a Flippin Rockstar ~ The Journal and my Delightful Deskpads because it’s such an important one. Your self talk will tell you all sorts of things on a daily basis and it’s the opportunity to write down what’s going on inside your head. When you write this stuff down you naturally discharge it’s emotional grip on you. In it’s truth, in black & white (or whatever colour pen you decide on), you can decide whether it’s the truth or a big fat lie.
(2) Who Does It Belong To?
The other thing that’s really important here is to also look at the ownership of this wobble.
Are you feeling this way because you’ve made something mean something?? For example ~ you have a conversation with someone and they make an offhand comment, you have made that comment turn into a criticism. This can often come up when you are interacting with family & friends. Their need to protect you can their love for you often means that they make off hand comments that they feel kinda give you a “get out” if you’re looking for it. They mean well and want what’s best for you. They want to protect you and don’t want to see you unhappy. They aren’t saying you’re shit.
Are you feeling like this because someone else was having a bad day? Looking at ownership here again, so often someone elses’ bad day can mean that they attack, say something or act in a certain way towards you. Again, this isn’t necessarily true. This isn’t necessary based in fact and sometimes isn’t even meant. Their bad day became your bad day. Perhaps they are inviting you to their pity party or perhaps their reaction is a lash out.
Make sure you’re not taking on someone else’s stuff.
❓ does it belong to you?
❓ is it yours to work through?
(3) Switch It
When we get stuck in a feeling or make a decision that something is a certain way then we can become trapped in the thought process and the heavy energy attached to it.
It’s time to open all of the windows and let some light in.
So you might need to literally open those windows, you might want to turn some music on, you might want to catch a change of scenery and get outside.
Granted, here, it’s easier to stay stuck. You might not feel in the mood and may be harbouring a bit of a grouch BUT it’s important that you swizzle that mood as soon as you can.
(4) The “Can Do”
Now it’s time for action.
Ask yourself the question ~ what CAN I DO to move forwards from here.
When you’re stuck in the pity party you’ll be focusing on all you can’t do and all you’re not. Change that around. What steps could you take right now to move forward. Even the tiniest of steps will move you from where you are & let you well and truly leave that pity party behind.
Action creations momentum.
Once you start taking steps then those there steps will build on top of each other and before you know it you’ll be powering forwards again.
(5) A Quick Assess
Don’t look back, you’re not going that way ~ one that’s often said BUT as soon as you are feeling in a little bit better a place and you’ve left the pity party then have a real quick assessment (notebook & a brew for 10 minutes) as to what you can take away from that party. Anything you can implement in the future to protect yourself a little more? Did you identify it early? Lessons learned??
Now time to leave the shit party behind and embrace the fun and frolics of forward momentum.