This one totally breaks my heart to write but it’s so ridiculously true and uber common that I can’t ignore it.
Self Employment Destroys Self Esteem.
I know that for stacks of entrepreneurs they come into self employment scared, scared but excited – scarited if you like. They have often arrived at the world of self employment through a previous career journey. A career that they may not have truly loved but a career that never made them question their very being. A career where they could go into work, work perhaps 70% of the hours that they were contracted to work, get paid annual leave, sick leave, perhaps other bonuses as well as a paycheck at the end of the month. They may well have felt competent or even confident in themselves and their abilities. They had a life outside of the job. They left their workplace at the end of the day and disappeared off with an air of possibility and potential in the air.
THEN a whiff of self employment comes their way. “Wouldn’t it be great to not work for anyone else, set my own timetable, rules and be the master of my own destiny.” Now that’s a ridiculously exciting proposition is it not?!
AND THEN self employment begins, that heady ground of getting going.
You start to consume all the things. I know that when I started out I became an absolute student of all things business. I was bombarded with messages about the hustle and how it would be super easy to make money, live the life and be uber successful.
YEAH, I’m willing to put the work in.
It would then trickle through that there was this whole world of “self development” that you absolutely couldn’t miss out on. For me, I actively observed this world and whilst I’m a HUGE believer in developing yourself the self development industry often seemed very stuck and sticky. It seemed that for lots (not all, but lots) being in self development meant that they were invested in people staying stuck and that kinda stank to me.
I see so many entrepreneurs who quite literally feel that self employment has absolutely kicked the shit out them. They arrived as confident and competent peeps and rapidly had every single ounce of self esteem drained from their very being.
This has multiple angles – which I’m going to dive into in this blog BUT before I go any further there’s something I want to address first….
This is important.
YOU are the most important part of your business. Not a whizzy funnel, strategy, tactic or trick. YOU are fundamental to the success. I know that might sound burdensome if you’re feeling like you’re the last person you’d bet on right now. Let’s relieve that burden because I want this to be super empowering for you. It’s in your hands and that’s super exciting.
We can get you back in your groove and get ya zing zinging again.
Who Are You?
In the mix of this self employment malarkey it’s easy to forget who the fuck you are.
You get your nose down.
Your business becomes your baby.
You feel more restricted by your business than you do a baby if we are brutally honest. At least with a baby you could go out and meet other mums, you could go to colourful and noisy places and look empathetically at others in the same boat, you could go to a coffee shop guilt free with your pram in tow.
Now you’re self employed every single moment where you might be remotely still has become a source of guilt. “I should just…..” may well come out of your mouth OFTEN.
Now, your business is part of you, but not all of you.
Remember back to further up where we talked about leaving the office and having the potential and possibility of doing other shit – yeah that!
Your business does NOT need you to be chained to it in order to be successful.
It’s important that you do things aside from working, reading about work stuff, learning about work stuff and listening to stuff about work stuff.
It’s important for YOU to have that break and time away. It means that when you do sit down to work you can do that work full of energy and vigour, you’re not an exhausted flump all of the time and you are able to gather and gain different perspectives, ideas and creativity away from your desk.
Come on lovely, what do you love to do?
What lights you up?
My #rockstardares to you is to write a “light up list.” Now this list doesn’t have to include extremes or extravagances BUT it needs to include the shit that makes you feel fab.
You then need to pick shit from that list to do regularly.
Going guilt free is easy, just decide that you ain’t gonna feel guilty about it anymore.
Your business isn’t milk, it ain’t gonna spoil if you leave it on the side for a little while.
Let’s start with ~ pressure is for tires.
YUP, I totally get it when you’re feeling under pressure to make money in order to pay bills and to maintain your standard of living, I truly do. I’m not going to get all flippant on the ass of this one. I see some people talk very flippantly in this regard and they either simply don’t get it or they are so far removed from it that they forget – either way, it’s fucking rude and disrespectful 😡 rant over.
When you’re feeling financially under pressure then it’s important that you don’t spiral into negativity and feeling incredibly lost. The good news is that it’s always in your hands to start to ring the changes.
The most important journalling prompt that I give people is what would it take for me to…………and there you can explore what action you can take in order to get the money rolling. I also have a totally FREE programme called ~ Revive Your Money Moxie ~ that you can take and it’ll support you to get the pennies rolling in. >> you can click here to get hold of it <<
The second thing I always talk through with people is “are you actually safe?” Is the pressure actually real? Pressure can really easily consume you and can be irrational. Take some time to just work out whether there’s a real pressure or whether it’s something that has become bigger than it is. Again, I don’t want to sound in any way flippant on this one but it’s a useful check in.
Pressure also shows up as having to get things right, not mess up, be visible blah blah blah. Here’s the thing, you can’t get it wrong! No-one has ever been out there and ran your business, your way before. Let’s remove the pressure. There’s no set of rules or standards that you must adhere too AND we all mess up from time to time.
I have to say that with the sucking of self esteem of course it’s super difficult to be visible. I work with stacks of people through this and just saying “get visible” isn’t helpful. It’s a whole package of work that needs to go into that. From you getting back to grips with who you are, getting over the overs (which we will talk about shortly), practice and ditching the rules.
💗 Stop putting so much pressure on yourself! 💗
Chances are if you release the immense pressure magical things will happen!
I spoke to a lady a little while ago who used the word “pressure” when we talked about her work. We decided that that word needed reframing. She needed to look at things a different way.
The pressure of too much work – it’s a lesson about how much you should take on at one time, a lesson in the management of your own personal expectations of yourself (and perhaps client expectations too) and an opportunity to serve lots of people.
The pressure of not enough work (and I’m not being flippant here – I’ve been there and there’s a mini programme to help you to revive your money moxie over in my shop because I know it’s a big deal) – it’s a lesson in patience at times (Rome wasn’t built in a day), it’s a lesson in making things happen and a compelling cry to take positive action and it’s a lesson in the fact that when you look for it there’s opportunity in all sorts of places.
Pressure is the exact feeling of that pressure cooker – it’s consuming, it’s overwhelming, it feels like you might just explode. You can’t do your best work when you feel this way.
Give yourself some time off.
Helicopter out and take a full view of potential and possibility.
Keep your eyes open for opportunity.
Release the pressure and step back into the flow.
Overwhelm, overthinking, over analysing – all the overs! They can be utterly exhausting.
I always say that overwhelm is a choice. Again, I know that could cause an eye roll 🙄 but it’s totally true. We can decide on whether or not we can feel overwhelmed. You might be shaking your head and saying, ack, but I have so much to do. Let’s examine that one…
🌟 The Danger Of The Long To Do List🌟
Ok so I might have started this post with a bit of a misleading headline because having a long to do list is actually a good thing 💞 YES, REALLY!!!
Having a long to do list means that you have stacks of ideas and lots of things that you can implement in order to improve your business. It’s definitely preferable to no to do list (which means that you have either 1) stagnated and have nothing left to implement or 2) you are in denial and winging it from moment to moment).
So – how do we manage the to do list?
💭Avoid the overwhelm – know that having this list is a good thing and know that it means that you are moving forwards.
💭Get everything out of your head and onto the list as this frees up brain space.
💭Pick the first 5 things off the list that you are going to concentrate on and pop the rest of the list in drawer out of the way – you don’t have to worry about forgetting stuff as the list is totally safe.
💭 Set aside realistic time frames to work through the tasks. One at a time. I implement a concept that I call “cave time” which is time I set aside in my diary to work on my stuff. It’s amazing how much you can get done with dedicated time put aside where you aren’t trying to multitask.
💭 Cross stuff off your list when you complete it – why? because it’s cathartic!!
Over analysing & overthinking – this one is a procrastination behaviour. If you’re seeking perfection then let me tell you now that it simply doesn’t exist. Unicorns are more real than perfection. Every book that’s out there, every film you’ve ever watched – they could have been edited another time, they could have had more put into them BUT sometimes we have to let things go. Things can be tweaked and changed along the way.
Over analysing & overthinking can also come in the form of you making things mean stuff that it actually didn’t mean. The concept of the snidey/loaded remark or Facebook Post and the whole “what did you make it mean” thing.
Eeeeeeeeeee, well that one felt a bit loaded didn’t it??!!! It’s something that comes on to my radar occasionally when one of my gorgeous Rockstars either has either found themselves in a situation or observed a situation that has resulted in someone making an off-hand remark or a little subtle dig. It’s an observation that we often see play out. Someone’s miffed. They post something on Facebook which is either posted with a whole stack of negative vibes attached to it OR they are posting in order to achieve some kinda reaction.
So here’s the thing. For every situation or circumstances there are a number of truths. There’s your truth, other peoples’ truth and THE truth.
We are all looking at stuff through our own life filters.
We react based on the evidence we hold personally and the view points that we have achieved (which are ultimately achieved through the position we are in right now and our story of what has gone before).
These comments or digs aren’t useful or helpful to anyone.
To be honest, the loaded post doesn’t even really make the writer feel any better about what’s been said.
I posted a meme earlier this week that was along the lines of ~ just because I didn’t react doesn’t mean I didn’t notice.
If you find yourself in these situations then it’s a conscious choice for YOU as to how YOU react. You have a choice as to whether you are going to place your logs (your time, effort, energy and attention) into the situation and keep it alight or whether you are going to kept a hold of your logs and use them in a more positive and productive way ~ your call.
If something feels loaded then we go on to the “what did you make it mean.” I’ve seen people weave whole, dramatic stories into one persons off hand comment. At times, the comment has seemed neither nowt nor sommat but because of what someone knows and feels that comment has grown arms and legs and become a monster.
If you are observing something and suddenly you think 🌟 🌟 IS THAT ABOUT ME 🌟🌟 then it probably is BECAUSE there’s absolutely some kinda lesson in there for you (whether in fact the comment was directed at you or not is absolutely irrelevant).
Give yourself a moment. Reacting whilst filled with emotion is never a good idea. Inhale and then say to yourself or write out “now, that’s interesting that that made me feel that way, what’s behind it?”
Why did that comment/post/reaction make me feel that way?
What was the trigger?
What’s behind that?
Did I consider whether that person was having a bad day, had something going on, was reacting to a different set of circumstances?
No-one can steal your sunshine without your permission and it’s entirely up to you to decide to examine yourself first before going off on the attack in retaliation ~ it might not even be about you in any event.
People are busy. It’s not excuse but people sometimes forget their manners when using the written word or we read a tone into text that actually doesn’t exist ~ yeah, you gotta be so careful with the whole writing jazz.
If you think it’s about you THEN THERE’S DEFINITELY A LESSON IN IT FOR YOU.
So Here’s The Deal
So, I could go on and on and no wonder so many entrepreneurs feel like their self worth, self esteem and confidence has been sucked out of them.
I can absolutely do stacks more on this one and what you can do about it.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way and whilst there’s stacks of external influences and factors you have a choice to deal with it in your way and walk out the other side with your zing in tact.
I ask you one favour, ok well 2;
① If you get this then please comment on this article – even if you just pop “I get it” in the comments then it might just make another gorgeous Rockstar less alone
② Share this article with other entrepreneurs in your network, it’s super important 😉
Thank you 😘
In the meantime, just yell if I can help & support you further or if you have any questions.
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If it’s your first time here I wanna start off with a VERY warm welcome! I’m Emma Holmes and I’m head Rockstar at Rebels & Rockstars. My mission is to help and support you to create epic transformations that are sustainable, adventurous, never overwhelming and stacks of fun!
I’d love it if you had a shimmy around the site, you can find out a stack more about me on the “about me” page and do make sure you follow along on Social Media for all the updates, hints, tips, advice and support.