Caught in the fear of being found out or consumed with dread that you might just invoke a rolling of the eyes and a “how do you think you are” kinda comment?
Lots of people get caught up in what other people think of them within business and whether or not they will be liked. It’s often like being an awkward teenager. We are seeking to find our identity and our place in life and the consumption becomes of what others think rather than what we believe and what we have to offer the world.
We wanna be liked – I don’t think that many people go out there and actively seek to be disliked (although I question whether Katie Hopkins has that on her agenda).
We wanna be valued.
We wanna make a difference.
It hits all the points of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs! In basic needs we want to feel safe & secure – if people don’t like us or say nasty things about us or troll us then we don’t feel safe & secure. The need for love & relationships – as humans we do want/need connection with others and not being liked evokes feels of being not liked! Our self esteem has needs to be recognised and appreciated – again this is compromised if other people sow the seed of doubt that we are shit. AND we have a desire to fulfil our potential and it calls into question whether we are doing that if other people don’t like us.
The truth is that not everyone is going to like you.
I’ve seen those memes on Facebook before that say “not everyone will like you, you’re not pizza/chocolate/ice-cream” BUT the thing is that not everyone likes those things either.
We are all beautifully unique as humans and not everyone likes the same things or the same people or resonate with the same messages.
So, that said – how do actually move away from giving a shit about what others think?
1. KNOW (and I mean really know) that you aren’t for anyone
It’s totally ok, actually it’s more than ok, to not be for everyone. It means that you have stepped away from people pleasing and the desire to be all things to all people.
2. KNOW that most people don’t have an opinion either way
We are a densely populated world and we are super lucky that we can access a lot of that world through the internet and most people don’t have an opinion one way or the other about you.
3. KNOW that Trolling is RARE
and I mean really RARE (unless you are on periscope (Twitter Live) which seems to be, on occasions, a bit of a Troll Den). I work with people who have MASSIVE communities, large numbers of likes on their Facebook Page and people saying nasty things is REALLY rare! Most people don’t have the time or the inclination to be mean!
4. KNOW that it’s often not about you!
So, if the rare occasion shows it’s head that you do get a nasty pasty hanging out around you know that it so often says more about them than it does about you.
5. The RIGHT people will love what you do
You will attract the right people to you and your business. If people don’t like you then they will never become clients. Focus your eyes on those you are here to help, support and serve.
6. Delete & Ban Can Be Your Friend
You don’t have to listen! Delete and ban people who are mean. This isn’t about your ego not wanting to be knocked. Absolutely, if people don’t agree with you then that’s fine and you can have a conversation about differing view points BUT if people are mean don’t let them camp in your garden.
7. MOST people are too self absorbed!
Controversial! Most people are so wrapped up in themselves (not necessarily in a bad way – we are just really busy) to be overly analysing what you’ve got going on.
8. People Pleasing Sucks
Trying to be all things to all people is totally exhausting. You are NOT that person that it’s so vanilla that you actually end up being a little bit boring are you? You can’t passionately share your business message whilst trying to get everyone to nod their head in agreement with you.
9. Take Action
It’s never as bad as you think and as I said the overwhelming majority of people are SUPER lovely or passive – it’s only a tiny little number who are mean and the very best thing to do with the bully is not to let them stop you doing your funky stuff.
10. KNOW that your confidence will grow in time
The evidence that you gather as you embrace taking action and sharing your message passionately will be that it’s received well by those who resonate with it and that you don’t get trolled at every given opportunity. That evidence will help to re-wire your intrinsic belief system!
I wanna leave you with this……